I thought about what Christmas would be like if both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were the President of the United States. Here is what I envisioned and it helped me decide who to cast my vote for.
A Hillary Christmas
My Hillary Christmas starts with a family trip to the ER. We are in need of some Free Pharmaceuticals due to the fact that we have been suffering severe Depression that was caused by our white privilege and failure to find work to pay for our escalating student loan debt.
We get to the ER early knowing that the line will be long and the staffing limited.
During our wait, we are comforted by a peaceful Muslim imam. He has decided to setup a heated recruitment tent with free prayer rugs to kneel on.
We are offered free birth control shots and encouraged to schedule an organ harvesting appointment for our unwanted pregnancies.
The imam reminds us of the importance of turning in our firearms so that we can experience eternal peace and safeguard our communities.
He tells us that President Hillary has assured him they will be taken out of the country and used to arm rebels fighting for our future in the holy land.
After about 5 hours of waiting…our number is called and we finally get to see the doctor…
He is a Syrian refugee that was given a free education at one of America’s finest medical institutions.
He knows instantly by the look on our faces that we are suffering from withdrawal and immediately administers a cocktail of opiate pain meds and selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors.
Our DNA is extracted for further eugenics research and we are sent on our way back to the bus stop.
While waiting for the bus, we are further delayed, by a group of angry African Americans. They are conducting a protest march that is being led by Al Sharpton and a handful of homosexual atheists that appear to be demanding the government ban the song “White Christmas” and remove Mary and Joseph from the nativity scene at city hall.
The media is everywhere and encouraging us to throw bottles and stones at the police officers.
We are Christian and do not believe in violence and are told immediately by a George Soros employee to leave the area.
Scared for our lives and not wanting to get robbed of our EBT cards…
WE MAKE A RUN FOR IT!
We find shelter a couple blocks away and use our Obamaphones to book an Uber.
A transgendered driver shows up within minutes in a Toyota Prius.
Unfortunately, it is too small to fit everybody.
The driver refuses to let anybody sit in the front; for fear it will increase the carbon footprint and lead to lifetime incarceration at an EPA re-education camp.
We decide the risk is too great and just decide to walk back home to our foreclosed townhouse.
Along the way we talk about the birth of our savior and pray that our once prosperous nation will overcome the liberal assault and be freed from the welfare state it has created.
We remember the days of old when we had jobs and were not addicted to pharmaceutical medications and free government handouts.
A Trump Xmas coming soon….